Top 5 things you shouldn't say/do before, during & after SEX

We all know, during those intimate times, we're focused and so into the moment that any little thing can get us sidetracked. Especially the things that will turn you completely OFF....going from that hot, sexy, "i want you so bad" moment to "where's the nearest exit? This mofo is getting deleted the minute I walk out of this room". Going from "ready for war" to "does anyone know CPR?" It's times like this when you curse yourself for getting caught up in such a situation but laugh and joke about it later.


Things you shouldn't say nor do before SEX.....

• (After kissing him) "Want a piece of gum?"- That's just mean! Put a piece of gum in your own mouth and just pray that the freshness decides to spread the love into his ass smelling mouth when you kiss him again.
• (Guys) "Do you swallow?"- Who said you were getting head in the first place? Guys, that question should be erased from your mind completely. If she likes to swallow, you'll know before you can even ask her.
• "Don't mind the bumps....its just from shaving"- That's JUST NASTY!
• "Are you ready for the best 3 minutes of your life baby???" - ......Need I say more???
• "It looked bigger in the pictures you sent me! Heyyyy Little guy"- You  just crushed his "BIG EGO" 

During SEX......

• "Are you in yet?"- If you had to ask.....You have a serious issue going on in your vagina.
• NEVER FART- Such a mood killer and now you got the room stinky. Don't try to blame it on your pussy being extra wet either. We ALL know the difference.
• Never....& I mean NEVER stick anything in the asshole without warning the person first.- That will get you head butted, kicked in the nuts, punched in the face, bitten, etc etc. That's either a "No Access Zone" or "Enter with caution" area, depending on the person.
• NEVER.....NEVER lick the ass & then try to work your way up for a kiss- You will get pushed away faster than you can say "ASS MOUTH".
• "What's that smell?"- We all have an off day....no need to put it out there if you're enjoying the moment. Breathe through your mouth.

After SEX.....

• "Wow! That's record timing right there" (while laughing)- That's just wrong.....very funny but wrong!
• "What was your name again?"- SMH Extreme hoe status!!!
• (Female) "Soooo where's the nearest train station?"-Knowing damn well you're in the middle of nowhere & trains don't seem to exist around there. (Male) "Train? But we drove here. I'll drive you home." (Female) "I rather walk!"
• "How much do I owe you?"- If you get the life smacked out of you, you shouldn't wonder why.
• "I guess I'll see you around"- That means the sex was WACK & by the time you get home you will be deleted & blocked from facebook, deleted from twitter & from her phone book. And she has already sent out a mass text to all her lady friends telling them how God awful you were in bed & how you've managed to make what was suppose to be a pleasurable experience, the worst day of her entire life. OUCH!

Simply an Introduction.......

Blogging......I can honestly say I became interested in blogging overnight. Literally! I guess this is my creative way of trying to find myself. I have no idea when and where I lost myself but I'm on a journey. I'm set out to find that person I'm suppose to be. I'm a woman of many talents but too lazy to put them to good use. Hopefully, this can lead to bigger and better things in my life, opening my eyes to what I couldn't see before. Most importantly, this will be my tool towards relieving stress and possibly putting a smile on the faces of others along the way. Let's have fun and try not take life too seriously. If you happen to have any ideas, topics you would like me to blog about please don't hesitate to hit me up. There's a thousand ways to contact me, no excuses.
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Let the foolery begin.......