Mother EFFIN' income tax time....

The ridiculousness has begun ALREADY! (I know that isn't a word but if they can name a show "ridiculousness" then I'm allowed to use it as an actual word :P ). It isn't even February yet. How the hell are people already getting their tax return money when my W2 hasn't even arrived yet?!?! I cant....just cant understand it. So, I'm going to start with the false claims that some how NEVER catch up to certain people. They must be sleeping with someone at the IRS to be put on the "DO NOT AUDIT LIST" because Gosh darn it, I was audited two years in a roll for some real BS.....but I'll get back to that story.
THAT AIN'T YOUR KID- We have the ones that claim other peoples children. And I'm talking about some reckless shit. The child they claim is like 14 years old while they are only 25. They never claimed the kid before up until this year. I can understand claiming your brother/sister or niece/nephew but when you're claiming some random kid that you've never even met, you're setting yourself up to #FAIL. Wait no.....more like #EpicFail.
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A JOB- The one that kills me the most are the ones that claim self employed but don't even work & the majority of the time they've never worked a damn day in their life. Aren't you supposed to file a 1040 or something when you're self employed? I don't know much about that stuff but I damn sure know I need to file a W4 in order to get that W2 at the end of the year.
STICK TO YOUR WELFARE CHECK- I know you all know a person....or maybe a dozen who are on welfare but still manage to get an income tax check. I'm not a genius or anything but IRS, WELFARE.....aren't they all part of the government system???????? SO HOW THE HELL DO PEOPLE GET AWAY WITH THAT? I really think they need to start communicating a little more.

"Hello Welfare? Yessss, do you have an ANA MARIA RODRIGUEZ SSI#778495851 in your system? You do, HUH? And This is her 3rd year trying to file SELF EMPLOYED? Well third time is NOT a charm......DENIED!!!!!!"

IF YOU'RE GONNA RAPE IT, DO IT RIGHT!!! As you will notice (if you haven't already)....all these "ballers" will only be balling from January-March. By April they are back to broke jokes. Instead of being so concerned with looking fly....you should worry about your bills being paid off, stashing a little on the side for a rainy day and then you can treat yourself to a little something nice because everyone deserves to treat themselves every once & a while. Your hair's done, hands/feet done, fresh outfit but your lights are about to get cut off? You got a new car but an eviction notice on your door? You're buying bottles and everyone drinks at the club but you still living with your momma? Need I say more?

I'm scared to do any of that stuff. I'm already broke so I don't need IRS hunting my ass down for money that I haven't even earned yet. Plus, I like my freedom & I'm scared of jail. IRS jail has to be the worst of all. A bunch of senseless, welfare people running around acting crazy because they've just realized that they will now be broke FOREVER and can never count on a income tax check again. SCARY!

Back to me being audited.....the person that was taking care of my son at the time could not be filed on my taxes due to them being on welfare. Conflict of interest.....contradictions come to light the more I write (LOL) but anyway I claimed my sister in law looked after him 1 year & someone else the next year. They audited both times & took my claims away before I could even prove anything to them. So I officially HATE THE IRS.

FYI- This post in NO WAY pertains to anyone specifically! So, if you feel some type of way about it, that's your own guilty conscious telling you that you're a damn fool for blowing money you KNOW you don't have on a regular basis. LMAO I'm having fun with this so laugh a little.....even if I've just described you. ;)

"I love you" followed by "You're UGLY" ending with "Forgive me"

My Loveys!!! I know.... it's been WEEKS since I've last blogged. I've been caught up. With what?! Who knows! I guess you can say I've been a little on the lazy side. But I'm back & ready to blog.........


So I came across a quote some time ago while riding the train and it really stuck out to me. It represented a topic that I have been wanting to blog about for a while. It's a sensitive subject that doesn't get brought up too often but it really needs to be addressed because it happens way too often and NO, it's not alright!!!


"Men don't know how to walk away. Women don't know when to walk away." - I can't remember who the quote was by because I was so focused on the quote itself. "Men think with their dick while women think with their heart" is what I first thought."Women don't know when to walk away".....pretty self explanatory but of course I have to break it down since I have witnessed it way too many times before. For some reason, women always seem to find the good in every bad situation, making excuses for everything they know is wrong. I'm a pretty head strong individual and very rarely settle for the bullshit but I've found myself making excuses at times, trying to cover up the obvious just to make myself feel better about the situation; fearing that I will look like a fool.


Abuse- Your man doesn't put his hands on you but he calls you ugly, fat or anything degrading every chance that he gets. Yes, that IS considered abuse. Does it make you feel good? Every time he says it, it makes you a little weaker, a little more insecure. And it's all done because he's insecure about himself and needs to push you down so low, lower than he feels so he can feel like he has some type of power. So he can feel like the man that he isn't. Does that sound like love? How can someone say they love you then turn around and tell you how much they despise everything about you?
Love is excepting everything about your partner; at their lowest or at their highest. Loving the way they look at all times and reminding them every chance you get. Holding them and telling them how much they mean to you. NOT telling you how much he does for you and how you're nothing without him. NOT pointing out your every flaw, KNOWING that you're ashamed of them. NOT making you feel like he's the best you can do, NOT making you believe that no one else would ever want you. No one is perfect but Love is when your partner thinks you're perfect regardless of what your past involves, what your present reveals and what your future holds.  


But what I need to know is WHY. Why do women choose to stick with men like that?! How can someone be happy with someone who's so miserable. What every man needs to understand is, just because you aren't telling your woman how beautiful she is doesn't mean she isn't hearing it from someone else. Everything you hate about her will be everything another man loves about her. I've never been the type to judge but it really WOWs me how women in abusive relationships can analyze their situation so clearly but yet continue to remain in the relationship with this person that they'll  eventually grow to hate. They know every step they need to take in order to get their life back but yet they don't take Fear of starting all over? You can never love someone else without loving yourself first. And loving yourself consists of trusting yourself, learning how to be within your own company without having that fear of being alone, being able to point out whats imperfect about yourself and excepting it because you know no one is perfect and there's nothing wrong with that, being able to look into a mirror and telling yourself you're beautiful and deserve nothing but the best, knowing your worth. Women don't know when to walk away because they keep telling themselves that things will get better one day when they know deep down that things will never change. Talk is cheap! A man can say anything and make it sound good enough to believe. It's up to you to stop believing what he says and push him to prove it all to you. And if he can't do that, then the fact is.......he doesn't love you, doesn't deserve you and it's time to move on.


This is a new year and a perfect time for change. If you've found yourself in an unhealthy relationship, now is the perfect time to RUNNNN bitch RUN!!! (LOL) No, but seriously if you're not going to do it for yourself, do it for your child(ren). They shouldn't be around to witness what goes on in your relationship and you should want to make your home a stable one for them. Show them that you're a stronger individual than they might think you are and how anyone can bounce back from a low point in life. Teach them that they should never settle for an abusive relationship because no one ever deserves it. Better examples need to be set for our future generations. Lets start NOW!

What would you do if you became a millionaire?

Franck (The hubby) and I were talking about this earlier today. If you were blessed enough to win the lotto tomorrow, what would you do with your money? I'm sure the first thing a lot of people would do is get up OUT the hood. But at the same time I know some who wouldn't, mainly because they are just so comfortable where they're at. Some people are afraid of change. Don't get me wrong, I would leave the hood but I wouldn't erase it out of my life completely like some would. Get a lil money and don't know how to act! At the same time, I won't be living ghetto fabulous.....with my 3 bedroom apartment PIMPED out......stripper pole in the middle of my living room, a personal servant to scratch my ass when it itches, a 60 inch flat screen mounted on my 62 inch wall, driving around in a Benz while I'm asking who got the keys to my beamer?! Having my own property would come first.....everything else is an accessory. Of course everyone is in a different situation but I personally would keep what could possibly be an investment. For instance, my mom has a HUGE apartment (2 bedrooms), affordable & subsidized rent in a quiet, safe block in an upcoming neighborhood. I would never give that up! Why? Well for one, you never know what can happen tomorrow. The state might finally figure out HOW the hell you never worked a day in your life but manage to file "self employed" every year during tax time. (LMAO) Second, NYC rent is pretty ridiculous, not affordable at all. Therefore, I would rather sublease, add on $200-$300 to the rent to make a profit because that would still be cheaper than a $1600 "studio" apartment (so small, you can take a shit while you flip your chuletas) in little Mexico(116th Street).
Who would NOT want to move out of the hood if they had the chance? I would! In a heart beat!!! But to say that I would never look back is a little much. This is the place I was born & raised. I learned what was right, what was wrong, who to trust and who not, where to buy cigarettes & liquor at the age of 16, which spot had the best chopped cheese, which sneaker store had the new Jordan's before they were release everywhere else, which blocks you should avoid at night if you didn't want master splinter running across your feet.....I'm being silly but basically, I learned what made me who I am today. To say that you're ashamed of where you came from, you're saying you're ashamed of who you are. The "hood" is not always the worst place you could have been raised at. If you managed to hit 21 without getting locked up, shot up, knocked up, if you graduated, got a job, learned some responsibility, went to college or any other GOOD in life.....than the hood hasn't been that bad to you. And you can never say it's because you didn't hang w/ the thug crew. Fact is, not everyone that has been killed was killed because they were living a bad life. You can be at the wrong place, at the wrong time. You know what's worse than living in the ghetto? Living in a third world country where eating is a privilege and drinking the water can kill you. At least in the hood you get FOOD STAMPS. :)

Who killed Santa???

We're less than a month away from Christmas people. Yay! Who's excited with me? Granted, as the years go by Christmas becomes "overrated" to many. But I think you should try to keep the spirit alive for the sake of your children. Don't be such a Scrooge! Bah Humbug!!! Today's generation sucks! These kids don't know about Santa and his rain deers. How many of you heard from someone before "Santa? I tell my kid that I'M SANTA"......and the kid is like 3.
If you ask a child today who Rudolph is....I bet they wont know! Or about the elves that work in Santa's sweat shop.....I mean Santa's factory, making toys all year around for that one special day. They don't know about the tooth fairy or Easter bunny. But if you ask a Puerto Rican kid what the CUCO is, they will tell you in a heart beat and you'll see the fear in their little eyes at the same time. Do you ban your child from dressing up for Halloween because you "don't believe in Halloween"? What is there to believe in? Dress the kid up and send them out for some free candy. It's these little things that I believe can keep your child a CHILD for a little longer than you can expect these days. Forcing them to grow up faster than they should will cause those problems we'll complain about later.
When did we stop making these fairy tales up for our children, in hopes of keeping them a child for as long as we can. And we wonder why they ask for cell phones at the age of 5, IPads at the age of 8.....having sex at the age of 11 and baring kids at the age of 15. These things come hand in hand and I think we all fail to realize that. I remember being a little girl and setting up a plate of cookies and a glass of milk for Santa. Being so innocent and DUMB, I didn't know that my dad was the one who would eat them once I went to bed. All I knew was that when I woke up, the plate would only have cookie crumbs left, the milk would be gone and I would have a bunch of presents under the tree. PRESENTS.....who cares who ate the cookies anyway when you have PRESENTS.
Thinking about how a BIG, fat, white man is going to get into your third floor apartment to drop off your gifts is a lot more interesting than knowing mommy and daddy bought them. Thinking about how a little fairy is going to get that tooth from underneath your pillow without you feeling it is a lot more interesting than knowing mommy and daddy will pay you a dollar for the tooth. Your tooth should be worth a lot more than a dollar after all the blood, sweat and TEARS you shed just to get it out. "A dollar? I should've swallowed the tooth!" :)
There's nothing wrong with letting your child believe in the make believe. It gives them an imagination and something to look forward to and go by each year until they are old enough to make up their own minds. It's something that we grew up on so why wouldn't we want to pass that on to our children? Reality itself tends to be more corrupting than this harmless fib we tell our little ones to keep their minds at an innocent level.   
With that being said.....I will be sitting down with my babies today and making their Christmas wish list to send to Santa. Nate is old enough to tell me what he wants while Sahara will point at every toy commercial that looks pretty to her. On Christmas eve, we will set a plate of cookies and a glass of milk.....chocolate chip? Don't mind if I do! God be with the dumbass who tells my child that Santa doesn't exist. :/


Note: If your child is 13+ and still believes in Santa...............you have a really big issue on your hands.


Happy holidays my loves. Be safe and don't go bankrupt for this one day. Lets remember the true meaning behind Christmas, the day our sweet baby JESUS was born. Utilize this time for family, for love, for peace and happiness. XoXo
-Random

Cheers to the F'n Holidays!!!

So, who’s ready for the holidays? Well if you're not, too bad because they're coming anyway.....and at full speed too. I absolutely LOVE the holidays. It brings the big ass kid out of me. I’m ready to put on an extra 10lbs (not that I need them) and get really drunk off of coquito. But as good of a mood as the the holidays can put MOST in, it can also put some in a really shitty one.
For one, it’s kind of like you work the entire year just to pay for xmas gifts. Seriously! At the end of the year my bank account is on negative. Where the hell did my savings go? Oh, that’s right....XMAS GIFTS. The worst people to buy xmas gifts for are babies. You spend all your time researching the latest toys, trying to decide on the best ones for your little ones & when that day comes for them to open their gifts......they rather play with the box & try to eat the wrapping paper. They act like they don’t even see the toy sitting right in front of them. I learned the hard way.....TWICE. Ungrateful children!!!
The food.....ahhh the food. I love holiday food. Everyone puts so much love into cooking instead of just whipping something up because they know they HAVE to feed you. How about those left over’s? You have enough for breakfast, lunch, dinner & to take to work for about a week. You need that especially since now you're broke from buying all those XMAS GIFTS.
Family! What I love the most is sitting around with my family. Talking & cracking jokes. Laughing & just enjoying the moment without a care in the world. Throwing all the issues we ever had out the window because suddenly they don’t seem to matter anymore. BUT I know every1 has a family member......or 5 that they're not too thrilled about seeing. The ones who tell you how FAT you've gotten. No matter what you're talking about....school, work, kids, pets that person always squeezes the fact that you've gotten SO FAT right in the conversation. And you want so badly to say something mean right back like "Speaking of fat.....EAT A DICK" :)
New Year Goals: I got some sick goals for 2012! Let’s see.....I plan to survive the end of the world and then write a blog about it. You know, for future references.
I want to learn how to play the piano or guitar, and then make a video of me singing while showing off my new found talent and post it on YouTube. True talent! 
I also plan to learn how to rape the system so I can do so & do it proudly while I secretly take my ass back to school. But of course they won’t know that. I’ll let them think I’m a baby momma who likes to make multiple babies with a man whose 1st name I only know. Too much?
*enroll Nate into karate classes
*enroll myself into boxing classes.
*buy a gun..............
*find a chemically proven product to help Sa's hair grow.
*cut a piece of Franck’s afro off while he’s sleeping so he’s forced to get a haircut.
*get a loan to start my "Make your own dildo kit" business.
*And learn how to rap since that seems to be the IN thing these days. Shittttt.....if Beiber can do it, why cant I?


I know some of us have lost loved ones and it hurts the most when the holidays come around because it really hits us that they're no longer physically here. Some times we don’t see our families all year, up until the holiday season. Use that time to catch up, to tell each other how much you love one another because tomorrow is never promised. Say what you have to say, express how you feel with no boundaries or regrets.

Enjoy the holidays my loves and be safe.... XoXo -Random

Go ahead & front for the social network.....

FB is full of too many "Fairytale stories" and not enough reality. I understand it's YOUR page but what exactly is the point of putting up a front for people you barely see or even know. It's not meant to tell the world your personal business and then get upset when people develop an opinion about you or decide to comment on your life the way they see it. You don’t like people to talk, don’t give them a reason to. I can admit that I am a major FB head but my posts are for fun. But as fun and addicting as this site has become, it has also become dangerous and degrading. FACEBOOK has become the root of all evil.


***Why you lyin'?- These are the ones who feel like they need to show or lie about how they're living. Because for some reason, facebookers have become THAT important in their lives. The ones who take pictures of their shoes and clothes. Or they talk about what they just bought or are going to buy next. The ones that claim they have this and that but then the next week they're complaining about NOT having what they claimed they did the week before.
How about the ones who take great pictures? They look so hot in their pics but bump into them in the street.....they look like a busted up version of the person you're friends with on FB.


***The TMI (TooMuchInfo) Crew- These are the ones that post beyond what should be allowed. They'll post something like "Just came from the clinic and the doc told me I’m HIV negative but I still might be pregnant so I have to go back in 2 weeks to take another pregnancy test. Then I’ll make an appointment for the abortion, if I am." (Do you hear the crickets???) Yea I’m talking about those posts that you have to read twice just to make sure they really did just post that. And then you wonder why you get NO likes or comments.
How about the people who post half naked pics? Have some respect for yourself. If you're not a porn star or stripper, there's no reason you should be showing that much to the public. SLUT!!! :D


***KILL YOURSELF ALREADY- <--- Yes, that's kind of harsh but you can't front like that thought never came across your mind when you read what they post. I’m talking about the people who have the worst lives EVER. Their statuses are always so depressing. They make you want to delete them because for some reason you ALWAYS end up reading what they post and it's so depressing that it makes YOU sad. Then there goes your day, it's just been ruined because now you can’t stop thinking about that depressing ass status. Or the ones that always threaten to hurt themselves or want their lives to end so badly. Let’s say it together…. SEEK COUNSELING!!!


***Team Illiteracy- You ever read a status and think to yourself "Didn't we go to the same school?" Is it really so hard to use periods or question marks at the end of your sentences? I mean, you don't have to go all out and use commas and shit but can you at least start every sentence off with a capital letter? How does your phone have autocorrect but you still can’t spell? I’m talking about those statuses that you've started to skip because it gives you a headache when you try to read them. Facebook has taught me that it IS possible for one sentence to be 4 lines long.


***Delete that hoe- We have the ones that are so big and bad ass on the net but they're real quiet when you come face to face. The ones who are a little too opinionated and quick to call someone out on their post without actually mentioning the persons name. They rather post it all over their wall than tell you about yourself first. And as sad as it is, it's usually your closest friends.
And you have the ones who take facebook so seriously. "That bitch wanna talk shit? I’m deleting her from facebook" But which is worse, the one who deletes the person? Or the one who gets mad because they were deleted?


***Stalk me NOT- It seems like every week facebook has an update and every time it updates it gets closer and closer to being called FaceSTALK. Why do I have to know that JuanCarlos likes TeeTee's picture? I DONT EVEN KNOW TEETEE.


How did you find out that your man was cheating? FACEBOOK
How did you find out that your baby wasn’t yours? FACEBOOK
How did you find out that you were adopted? FACEBOOK
How did you know payless was having a sale? FACEBOOK
How'd you know where I was at last night? FACEBOOK........DUH!!!


This was not meant for anyone indirectly so I hope no one takes this personal. But if you do......DELETE ME BITCH ;)


XoXo -Random

What are you thankful for?

So since it's November and thanksgiving is coming up, I've decided to blog about what I am thankful for. We all come across hard times and some may have more than others but we all have something or someone to be thankful for. I have a beautiful little family of my own. Two gorgeous little angels that put a smile on my face everyday. A wonderful husband who is a great father and my best friend. A family who is nothing more than supportive and loving. A decent job that allows me to provide for my family, put food in my fridge, clothes on our bodies, a roof over our heads, heat for the winter and AC for the summer, water to wash our asses, ETC (you get the point). I also have amazing friends who I can count on to be there for me and who I consider more than just friends, they are family!


People that complain about what they have at the moment.....or better yet what they DONT have need to stop and realize that whatever they DO have is an absolute blessing. Again, we all go through hard times but there are people in this world who don’t have anything at all. They don’t have food to eat, family to love, a place to live; to call their own, they don't have jobs or money. Some don't even know where they're going to sleep tomorrow or how they're going to eat. It's disgusting how spoiled this country is but we still manage to have complaints. To complain when we don’t have money to pay our CABLE bill or our CELL PHONE bill or our CAR INSURANCE. All of that is luxury and everyday people fail to realize that that is not what we NEED to live but simply what we want to live more comfortably.


In NYC you see homeless people everyday. Even though they are sleeping on the streets, they have the opportunity to go to a shelter. Low or NO income people have the opportunity to get food stamps, rent assistance, welfare, public assistance, WIC.....even though it’s always easier said than done. Half the people on government assistance have NOTHING wrong with them. They can work but for some reason they don't and that goes to show how easy we have it. Basically my point is, we take too many things for granted. Along the way we become a little selfish and fail to remember what really matters in life. What if you were to wake up tomorrow and everything you have was taken away from you? Then you would realize that what you had was more than enough. Be thankful for the moment with goals for a better future. I’m thankful for every little thing that I have in life and have no regrets, only plans to better myself and the lives of my children.